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[Apr. 6th, 2006|09:16 pm] |
Feels like it's been forever since I've written in this thing. I mean, I've known where it is, but over the past few weeks I thought I didn't have much to say. I haven't been around much and for that I'm sorry. The good news is that I'm coming out of my shell, so to speak. No more moping and feeling sorry for myself and what happened. I can't live like that forever. Plus, things are good between Paige and I, so I'm much better in that respect too.
...Okay. So it was more like I had the sense knocked into me and a hangover experience I'd really not repeat in the near future except for the part when I woke up in Sophia's bed, that part can be debated. We're going to be out of here soon, and I'm not going to spend the last of my days here locked up in my room.
That being said, anyone up to do something? I'm serious, I'm game for pretty much anything.
[Private to Sophia]: Don't forget -- I'm making dinner for you. [/Private]
[Private]: My birthday's coming up. I hate my birthday, too much is connected to it that I don't like to be reminded of. I used to hang out with Justin then, his birthday is was the day before mine, but now... that's going to hang over my head too. The good thing is that it falls over the Easter hols this year, so maybe I'll go out and visit him, say hi to his mum. I think she'd like that. [/Private] |
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[Mar. 9th, 2006|01:02 pm] |
Paige and I broke up.
And no, I'm not talking about it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|05:41 pm] |
[Private]: I've been thinking. And thinking is never, never good as far as I'm concerned.
Paige and I aren't getting any better and I know it. It hasn't been because I'm busy with Quidditch or school or that she's off doing her own thing, I'm not really sure what the reasoning is. All I know is that it's not the same as it used to be. Maybe we're just not connecting like we did six months ago... but life was different then. Before the January attack in Hogsmeade, before we ever even thought to bring sex into the equation, before we really started having problems. I feel like she's still avoiding me, although I see her more than I have been in these past few weeks.
I love her, I'm pretty sure I'll always have a spot in my heart for her. But if something isn't working, and you've tried to fix it, it's better to try and save what you still can... right? If we can't fix this relationship, then maybe we can fix whatever friendship we still have. [/Private]
[Private to Paige]: Are you doing anything tonight? Tonight... nothing like waiting, is there? Maybe we could get together, if you're going to be around. [/Private]
A few weeks of studying is enough to make someone a diligent student... right? Between Quidditch and homework I've barely had a life, and it's about time we changed that. I dedicate this coming week to procrastination, schoolwork be damned.
[Private to Sophia and Michael]: And you two are more than welcome to waste time with me. [/Private] |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2006|01:33 pm] |
[Private]: Sex changes everything. It's cliched, but it's true. Never in a million years would I have thought that Paige would have set the whole thing up -- makes me wonder why she did it, just a little. We've had our ups and downs before, and always will, but this just kind of blindsided me. Is it wrong to think I thought I knew her more than that, that I should have expected something like this?
Don't get me wrong, I liked it. Of course I liked it. It just... wasn't what I thought it would be, and I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. [/Private]
So... yeah. I guess I really am failing Potions now. The last few essays I've been getting back have been less than stellar. Not that they were ever good to begin with, but that's besides the point. I'd study, but the work is just so boring that I can't seem to keep my eyes open. Plus, I'd really, really rather be playing Quidditch and it's hard to focus when you're distracted like that.
I suppose I'm going to have to buckle down though, and start doing the work. I think it just might kill me though. I promised Sophia that we'd study, the next time we were together, and since I don't break promises... yeah. I'm going to have to take her advice on that one, Merlin knows she and Michael know more about this than I do. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 16th, 2006|09:28 pm] |
[Filtered: No Slytherins]: As I write this, I'm sitting propped up in a bed in the hospital wing, trying not to bang my arm every time I move. Paige brought this journal down to me this morning, and it's taken me this long to finally figure out everything I want to say.
It's not like the last time this happened. Last time my job was easy: to get the students off the streets, while Justin and Jack covered my back. Most of the students are... more aware now -- getting out the way the moment they know something's happening -- but it's not making it any easier. Losing Adrian, I mean. He lived... and died... like he wanted to, he went down fighting.
Rest in peace, Adrian. Justin's waiting for you, I know. [/Filter]
[Private]: Adrian... I can't believe he's gone. He fought, right to the end, like Justin did. And I know it was never my responsibility to take care of him -- Adrian would have resented it, if he'd ever known, but the moment I saw him lying there, I had to do something. I had to fight, even though I didn't have someone to cover my back anymore. Because Justin would have wanted me to.
I asked Adrian to stay with me over the summer because I knew he was supposed to go to Justin's, and that option wasn't available to him anymore. I wanted him to know that I didn't forget what happened, that I knew what he and Justin had shared and respected that. It was for both of us, really. Like having him there would bridge that gap somehow.
...I should go visit Justin's grave sometime. Wonder if Adrian's family would let us bury the two of them together? They probably should... but not everyone knew they were together. The Slytherins, especially, might have gone against Justin if they'd found out. The only thing making this easier is the thought that they're together now, like they always wanted to be. [/Private] |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 13th, 2005|08:19 pm] |
I went and dug out my dress robes for the Yule Ball. I didn't realize they were so... wrinkled. Perhaps stuffing them in my trunk after last year and just leaving them there wasn't the best idea in the world. And there's a huge stain from where I spilled firewhiskey uh, punch on it and I don't think that'll come out now.
I've still got like a week to figure out how I'm supposed to fix them. Probably cheaper than getting new ones, anyway.
[Private to Paige]: Paige, we are going to the Yule Ball together... right? That is, if you still want to go. [/Private]
[Hexed; Viewable to anyone who isn't Paige]: Also, Christmas is coming up and I have absolutely no idea what to get Paige. She said photography stuff, but I did that for her birthday and a few times when I screwed up this summer and I want to do something better than that. You know... like a surprise? But she's not giving me any ideas, and it's kind of hard to shop when we're always stuck on the castle. Plus I really should get something for my dad, and my grandparents... but that can wait until I get back for the hols.
So, anyone have any ideas? What do girls want guys to get them for Christmas anyway? [/Hexed] |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 26th, 2005|10:29 pm] |
In case all of you didn't see it in Cho's journal, we're trying to get a group together to play a highly competitive nice game of Quidditch, to get everyone's mind off of exams and schoolwork and stuff. I don't care about houses, about ages, I just want to play. So, if you can fly a broom, what's keeping you from joining? Michael, I know you're a good player and loads better than Seamus anyway, and Wayne, my dear team captain, you spend more time on that pitch than I do and that's saying something -- so why don't you guys show up?
In other news, studying and homework are trying to kill me, therefore I am avoiding doing it. If you've got a distraction for me, I'm more than interested in hearing what it's about.
[Private to Paige]: Any chance I can meet up with you later? When you're not busy, of course. [/Private] |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 9th, 2005|08:37 am] |
[Private to Michael]: Women are crazy. I don't suppose you've got another bottle of firewhisky hanging around, do you? Between the two of us, we'll probably need it. [/Private]
[Private to self]: I'd really like to know when Paige stopped trusting me. When she started getting jealous and suspicious of every little thing I did. I mean, I know I'm an idiot. I know I danced with Ali at the Ball and she hated it; I know I overstepped my boundaries... But I've never, ever meant to hurt her. It's the last thing I want to do. Paige is my world -- when everything's falling apart, she's the one who makes me keep it together, because I know she'll break with me and I can't have that.
I really don't know why I still have a girlfriend. Paige... Paige has probably had enough of me by now. Quite frankly, I can't say I'd blame her... [/Private]
Well. The Halloween Ball seemed to go well, didn't it? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 20th, 2005|10:39 pm] |
[Private to Paige]: I think I may have solved our problem concerning costumes for the Halloween Ball, love. And ahead of time, too -- can you believe that?
Here's my idea. You could be my princess, and I your Prince Charming. It won't be too hard for me to put the costume together, and I know you've got to have a beautiful dress fit for royalty.
So? What do you think? [/Private]
[Private to Michael]: Hey mate, is everything going okay with you? We should get together, talk a bit. Merlin knows I need a best mate about now... [/Private]
[OOC: Zach's costume can be seen here. Yep, it's from A Cinderella Story. Too cute to resist ^_^] |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 3rd, 2005|10:27 pm] |
I got my "permission slip" for the Hogsmeade weekend this morning; my father sent it by owl. Why we still need our parents' permission as seventh years is beyond me, but whatever. He'd attached another piece of parchment with the owl, and it's the first time he's sent me anything while I've been at school in quite some time. Dad didn't talk about much, mostly the restaurant and hearing from my grandparents a few days back. Maybe the old man's getting nostalgic in his old age, I don't know.
He did leave a small side note though: "Do me a favor, and don't get yourself killed in Hogsmeade. I need you to work over the holidays, right now we're short a cook."
Funny. For a moment there, he almost sounded like a father, and not my boss. Like any of us want something to happen. Like we're expecting it, or planning for it. Besides, he knows I can take care of myself; I always have.
...Someone make sure I turn this damn thing into Professor Sprout in the morning. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2005|11:39 pm] |
Another day, another year, except this one is my last. I still really haven't gotten used to the fact that I'm not coming back next year. After this, I have to get a real life. Like a job. Who wants to do that?
I mean, I'll never have the grades to be an Auror, or anything that would actually, you know, help people. I'll end up one of two things -- a cook or a Quidditch player, the latter of which I'd need to be extremely, extremely lucky to get. I mean I could, I suppose, but it'll be hard this year, and I know it.
I'm going to try to do well this year, though. Honestly:
--I'm going to start studying more for my classes. NEWTS and all, you understand. My father'll be really angry if I don't do well on at least some of them.
--I will practice Quidditch more. I slacked off this summer, and I'm going to pay for it once the season starts if I don't start practicing soon.
--I will NOT procrastinate on my schoolwork.... HA! Like that will ever happen. Still, it's nice to wish.
Most of all, I will not shut myself away from everyone. I feel like I did that over the holiday and I shouldn't have. If anyone wants to do anything, hanging out, go for a fly, whatever... just let me know. I want to make the best out of this year before it's gone. |
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[Aug. 19th, 2005|11:47 am] |
[Filtered: No Slytherins except Adrian]: I got an owl from my grandparents, my mum's parents, this morning. Apparently my father wrote to them and told them I have a girlfriend. Which is all well and good and stuff, except for the fact that I never see my grandparents except at Christmas and the owl was... rather awkward. Especially since my grandmother kept writing about how "her little Zacharias is growing up" and "your mum would have been so proud of you." It was sweet enough to give you cavities, I swear. I love my grandparents and all, but they need to lay off it.
I could do without the comparisions to my mum, thank you very much. Kind of hard to be compared to someone you never even knew. And have I ever mentioned how much it irks me to be called Zacharias constantly? Makes me feel like I'm in trouble or something.
I'm supposed to be meeting Michael Corner in Diagon Alley later today. Should be good times. [/Filter]
[Filtered: Adrian, Ernie, Michael only]: I'm thinking you guys will be able to help me without running right back to my girlfriend and telling her what I'm planning.
Included in my grandparents' owl was an invitation to spend some time at their cottage on this small lake in the countryside. It's really remote and pretty, and they said I could invite whoever I wanted. You think Paige might like to go? It would be just the two of us, and I could go up earlier and set the place up a bit. Merlin knows I could certainly use the vacation. I'm going through a pack of cigarettes a day and even I know that's not good. Dad would live without me at work for a few days...
There should be enough time for us to go before school starts back up again, I just don't know how I'd get her up there without telling her where we were going first. Got any ideas? [/Filter] |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2005|11:14 pm] |
[Private]: If Justin were here, he'd bloody kill me right now.
I did it. I broke down... and I bought a pack of cigarettes.
Last summer was the first one I was working for my dad all the time, and when you work in a restaurant, everyone smokes. It's just how things are. So, thinking I was cool, I started doing it too. When Justin found out... needless to say, it wasn't pretty. He took the rest of the pack, flushed them down the toliet, and then proceeded to give me a five hour long lecture on how the damn things would absolutely destroy my Quidditch skills. And of course he was right, and I stopped. Figured I didn't need to look cool for my coworkers, because in the end, my dad's still their boss and I'm pretty sure I'll always have a job there.
But now... things are different. I'm working too much and I know it, but I can't help it -- work's the only thing keeping me from thinking about all the things that have happened in recent months, the Death Eaters, losing Justin... Having Paige here should have helped, but it's not going like I thought it would. She's still having those bloody nightmares and there's nothing I can do to stop them. All I can do is hold her, and that's not really helping either. I don't know what I'm supposed to do...
I need something, anything to get me through right now. If that happens to be a pack of cigarettes, so be it. Honestly, I'm beyond caring.
Wonder what Paige will do when she finds out though, seeing as I'm not going to be able to hide it from her for very long. I'm not thinking she's going to be too happy with me... [/Private] |
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[Jul. 27th, 2005|12:11 pm] |
[Filtered: No Slytherins except Adrian]: So. Paige is living here. With me.
Well, "living here" is not exactly what I told my father she's doing, but it's pretty much the truth. She's been having some awful nightmares lately, and I can't have her go through something like that alone, when I know I could help her.... Dad's exact words were "a few days," but I know he'll forget. He's so absorbed with the restaurant that he can't tell what day it is half the time. I mean, I'm pretty sure he's basically forgotten about Adrian being here too, so I'm sure "a few days" can translate into "however long she pleases" quickly enough.
Besides, she's been cleaning. I don't think I've seen the place this spotless in my entire life. Paige even tackled my room, and I'm surprised she found the floor underneath all of my clothes. It's been good, having her here. Comforting, in a sense. Right now, with everything that's happened... I think I need that. [/Filter]
[Private]: Paige's been here almost a week now and the nightmares still seem to be really bothering her. She's having them every other night, but I can't really tell if that's better or worse than before. I know what the dreams are about -- Death Eaters -- but she's not telling me details and... I don't know. I feel kind of helpless. All I can do is hold her while she cries, and I can't promise her that it'll be okay, because losing Justin proved once and for all that those words are just lies.
I wish... I wish there was something more I could be doing for her. Paige is my everything, and I can't stand seeing her go through this. It makes me wonder if there's something about these nightmares she's not telling me... [/Private] |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 8th, 2005|12:19 pm] |
[Filtered: No Slytherins except Adrian]: Somehow I thought the summer holidays would be more relaxing than it seems like they are. I mean, a vacation away from essays and tests sounded perfect a month ago... and in a sense it still does. I don't know which I'd want more -- vacation at home with my dad or back at school with friends.
Adrian's here, and so far things are going well. When all else fails, we can always challenge each other at Quidditch. He's a good Chaser, I must admit, and I welcome the practice, as well as the company. It's... good, to have someone to talk to if I need to. Merlin knows I'm not talking to my father about any of this anytime soon.
Aside from a few visits to Paige (who I do miss dearly), I've been working for my father, at his restaurant. It always sounds like a good idea in the beginning, and then I remember exactly why I dislike working with him -- he's about as scatterbrained as I am, which isn't working out to my advantage, I'm afraid. I can't cook a decent meal when he keeps changing the menu on me five minutes before we start serving dinner. I know he means well, for the most part, but it wears on you after a while.
Merlin, I think I need a vacation from my vacation. I was supposed to spend part of the summer at Justin's, but obviously that's not happening anymore. Anyone have any ideas? [/Filter] |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 27th, 2005|11:13 pm] |
[Filtered: No Slytherins except Adrian]: How I wish I could lie and say I was doing all right...
I... I packed Justin's things this morning, before I left on the Hogwarts Express. To bring them back to his parents. It was... probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do, I think. As if with each item I shoved into that trunk made it even more tangible that, yes, my best mate is dead, no, he's not coming back, and, guess what? There's a bloody war out there and now it's right in front of my face. Not that it wasn't there before, but there's no hiding from it now.
Justin didn't deserve this. NONE of us deserved this. One of the Mediwizards or Madame Pomfrey or someone told me I was in shock over the whole thing, but honestly, now I'm just getting hardened. Jaded, if you want to call it that. I want to kill the Death Eaters who did this, any way I can, but at the same time... I just want out. Away from this, away from Hogwarts, away from the fighting and the pain and the war.
...I'm rambling. Anyways, I'll be at my father's place for the holidays, if anyone needs to reach me. [/Filter]
[Private to Paige]: I know our plans for summer are wrecked, love, but I'll send you an owl as soon as I'm settled. I'll find a way to see you... you're the only sanity I have left, I think.
In case you didn't hear me say it in the hospital wing... I do love you, you know. [/Private] |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2005|12:20 am] |
[Filtered: No Slytherins except Adrian, I don't need that interhouse-fighting shite right about now]: Did what I think happened really just happen? Death Eaters. Attacking. Hogsmeade.
There's no way this is real. But it is... And we never even saw it coming. We talked for what seemed like weeks about this trip, made plans... and now there's a bunch of students in the hospital wing, and for what? To scare us? To make the point that they can, and will, hurt us? I don't understand.
I just... reacted. I knew Justin and Sloper had my back and I did what I could do -- get as many of the students off of the streets as I could. Especially the younger ones, who all looked so shocked and just stood there, watching. And the Death Eaters didn't care who they struck, as long as it was one of us. The more of us we could get to safety, the better. Unfortunately I don't think we were always fast enough...
Is everyone all right? That's what worries me the most right now. We can track down the Death Eaters once we know everyone's well and accounted for. [/Filter]
[Private: Paige, Justin only]: Paige... I haven't found Paige, I haven't talked to her since before the attack. I know she was in one of the stores, so I think she's all right, but she hates Death Eaters and I know they scare her and... I need to talk to her. Now. If only to reassure myself that she's all right... [/Private] |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 9th, 2005|12:04 am] |
[Filtered: No Slytherins except Adrian; No professors]: So, exams. Does anyone else feel like these bloody tests are trying to kill them? I keep coming out of exams with a pounding headache and then heading straight to Quidditch practice.... Which is probably not a good idea, but I'll do what I have to do. Dedication and all of that, you know.
I mean, I know the exams would be easier if I'd studied more. But I can't sit still and read for hours on end, staring at the pages until the words blur together and I can't make any sense out of them anyway. So, I procrastinate -- Paige and Quidditch are probably my favorite distractions -- and now I'm paying for it.
Also, the Apparating exam? Would be so much easier if it wasn't at the same time as finals. Justin, you want to get together and start practicing that, before we go to Hogsmeade? [/Filter] |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2005|11:22 pm] |
[Filtered: No Slytherins]: Paige found me after classes yesterday, and we spent most of the afternoon just talking, walking around the school grounds. After staying up late and waking up early, getting outside in the sun and the fresh air was just what I needed. Of course, having good company is what makes the experience that much better. There's something to be said for letting yourself go from all of the work and stress from classes for just a few minutes and just relaxing. Around this time of year, all of us need that. Talking with Paige... that's relaxing for me.
I hear there's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up, and Paige and I are going. Anyone else interested? [/Filter]
[Private to Justin]: Oh, and Justin? Wipe the bloody smirk off of your face already. If you keep doing that, your face might just stay that way, you know. Who knows what Adrian would think of you then? ....I'm kidding. You know that... right?
We are dating though. Paige and I. She probably already told you that, too, I'd imagine. [/Private] |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 22nd, 2005|12:41 am] |
[Private to Self]: Whoa. Just... whoa. It was the best night of studying ever... especially when it didn't involve studying at all.
I never thought Paige would actually kiss me. I wanted her to, and I wished I had the courage to make the first move, but I never expected that it would actually happen. And it was great, more than what I'd thought it would be. It felt... it felt right, somehow. Like it was supposed to be this way.
But at the same time, I don't know if we're together or not. I mean, there's a thing between us. And it's a pretty strong thing, but it's still a thing, not a relationship. I'll have to talk to her about that... the mere thought scares me to death.
...And here I go again, getting all sappy and such. I should thank Justin, for telling me that I should go after her in the first place, but he'd get too much satisfaction out of that, and I know it. I'll let him sweat it out for a few days and wonder what happened. [/Private]
[Private to Paige]: I trust you slept okay last night? No more nightmares? [/Private] |
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